slash_spam

Spiderman

2006-07-08T15:36:42Z

Isn't the spider pretty?!

!! New Vid !!

2005-05-23T19:44:03Z

Title: Waiting For Weir
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: mostly McShep
Category: Humor
Length: 4:40
File: wmv, 14MB
Spoilers: Season 1

[megaupload]
[rapidshare]
(re-uploaded: 2007-01-26)

Feedback: Hell, yeah *g*

Please leave a note in case you want me to re-upload. Thanks!

Taken from son_of_elrond

2004-08-21T18:27:38Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Describe me in one word.
7. What was your first impression?
8. Do you still think that way about me now?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When's the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your page and see what I say about you?

slash_spam @ 2004-08-21T20:06:00

2004-08-21T18:11:36Z

Hello, we are... er.. I am back again - off you fuck yourself!!!!1!!ONE!!
That's it. Bye! Heeeee the keyboard is stickeee!!!1!!!

whine whine whine whine

2004-03-20T22:57:29Z

Nobody loves us *cough* ME! Nobody loves ME! We I mean *I* am sitting here all alone and feel very alone. Talking to myself.

Bored.

Still bored.

Talk to me!

Please!!!!1!!!!

PS: Starsky and Hutch rulez! Do the Dragon! YAY!

Fic: Coitus Ergo Sum

2004-02-01T13:55:10Z

Title: Coitus Ergo Sum

Sequel to Cogito Ergo Sum which can be found in the Smallville Archive

Warning: HUMOR...still. As if I would write anything else.

Rated: NC-17 for really disturbing content. And I *mean* disturbing. So don't read if you are easily (or not so easily) disturbed. No character death though.

Disclaimer: Though many characters were stolen from Oh (like Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter and Michael Shanks), Oh would never do such a thing. Smallville belongs to The WB, Gough & Milar, DC Comics and whoever else claims ownership. Don't hurt me.

Author's notes: Thank you, Michael. I love you more than ever.

Feedback: slash_spam@yahoo.com - give it to me hard!

******************

Coitus Ergo Sum

by Oh

******************

"Use it, Clark, use it!"

"But it hurts! It hurts so much!"

"We'll just start slow, okay? - What is 1 + 1? Take it slow? You don't want to hurt yourself."

"uhm...2? Maybe?"

"Yes!" Lex jumped up and down happpily from one leg to the other and waved his hands in the air.

"Lex, `happily` is spelled with only one p!"

"Oh my god, you are such a genius! Your new superpower is awe-inspiring! It's so much cooler than you being an alien. And thank you for telling me."

"I suddenly couldn't find a reason not to."

Lex tiptoed around Clark, jumping up and down, he stood really still.

"Oh, Lex, you don't have to pretend to be Julian to make me happy."

The once red-haired millionaire took his thumb out of his mouth with a `plopp`.

"It hurts, Lex, my brain hurts. And it`s only one `p` in `plop` by the way. Okay, two if you count the first one but never three."

He gazed into Clark's sky blue eyes. "Oh, Clark, you took me hostage with your eyes." Softly, he punched a kiss on Clark's lips. "You enchanted me with your angelic voice." He grabbed Clark's ass and pushed him against the wall. "Your ass haunts me in my dreams."

"Oh, Lex, you are such a romantic."

"Okay. Let's have sex." Lex shuffled his feet. "Hyper, Hyper!" he screamed. "Let's go!"

They dropped their clothes. Lex pushed his head against Clark's knee repeatedly.

"Lex," Clark said, "are you trying to tell me something?"

"I'm trying to be gay here. Relax, Clark."

"That's not gay. Did you take your pills lately?"

/insert Darth Vader theme/

"Yes. Why are asking?"

"`Cause you are constantly smiling and it scares me a little bit."

/insert blow job here/

Clark held Lex head in his hands.

"Oh my god, Lex, you are bleeding. Are you okay?"

Clark looked down at his dick that was potruding out of the back of Lex's head.

"mphphhhh," Lex tried to say.

"Oh. Sorry." Carefully, Clark pulled his cock out Lex' mouth. "And, uhm, sorry, about the grey mass on your carpet."

Clark jumped up and waved his hands in the air. "Help!" he screamed.

Immediately, Lionel opened the door and came in one step after another, very carefully but quickly nonetheless, making several turns, and looked over his shoulder. "I hope I lost them," he said. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."

Clark looked at him. "You stole my line," he pouted.

"Yeah, well, you know me."

/insert Darth Vader theme/

"You know me *well*," Lionel grinned evilly but sexy nonetheless.

/insert porn music/

"Oh....there's this thing with Lex. I don't know...he's not talking anymore."

"That's not true," Lex whined. "You just couldn't hear me over that porn music."

"Oh, Lex, are you okay?" Clark hugged him, smothering him with his love. "But watch out! That's my only blue shirt with a red ass."

"You mean `s`," Lex answered.

Clark looked up at Lionel. "Is it normal that Lex bleeds so much after sex?"

"Yes...normally not from the ears though."

"What can I do? What can I do?" Clark freaked out.

"Take an anal plug and put it into the back of his head. Just remember to take it out after two days or it'll grow in and you'll get a nasty surprise during your next sexual activity. And if that`s not enough, put him into the golden sarcophagos down in the basement. But not too often otherwise his hair comes back and he looks really silly with those wavy red locks. - But, shhhhhhhh, family secret. That's where I get my beautiful wavy locks."

/insert L'Oreal music/

"My hair always gets better with red Kryptonite. But, shhhhh, family secret," Clark answered.

"Hellohooooo?" Lex whined "Deadly head injury here! Would you stop ignoring me?"

"Lex always gets a little whiny when he bleeds. Just give him some pills."

Lionel looked over his shoulder. "They found me! They found me! I have to leave really fast!" Slowly, he walked out of Lex's office.

/insert anal plug/

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. See?" Lex jumped up and down and waved his hands. "Hyper! Hyper! Let's go!" he screamed.

Clark sat down on the sofa, put his right leg over his left leg. One foot was approximately 30 centimeters above the ground. Realising he was naked, he said: "Lex I'm sorry I asked you to watch out for my red shirt. I didn't wear one. - Blue shirt with a red `S`. Very funny, Oh."

"Oh," Lex said.

The opened and Lana came in. She wore a really cute pink dress and pink eyeliner and held a pink cell phone. She jumped up and down in her lovely pink shoes and looked like a five-year-old. "I'm a fairy princess!" she sang. "A beautyful pinky pink fairy princessy."

"Lana, `beautiful` is written...argh...forget about it. You'll never learn."

"Oh, Clark, you are always so funny."

"Lana, there's something different about you. What is it?"

"Use your brain, Clark." Lex rolled his eyes.

"Oh yes... Lana. You are...bald! That's bold!"

"Yes, Clark, I decided to get you back. And I forgive you for having sex with Chloe, Lionel, Lex and my hamster."

"You stupid bint! He would never have sex with Chloe or my father! Have you taken your pills lately?"

"phhhhhhhh....says the man with the anal plug in his head."

"Stop it! Stop fighting! Fighting is wrong! My head! It hurts! And my nose! It hurts, too!"

"Clark?" Lex looked at him worriedly. "Is your nose blinking?"

/insert ominious music/

TBC

Join us again next week when Clark learns to wave in Helicopters with his blinking nose.

Next Episode: "Blinkus Nosus Ergo Sum"

New Stargate Vid

2004-01-25T11:17:59Z

I have a new, fantastic, extraordinary vid. Please come and see:

mirror 1

or

mirror 2

It's a Jack/Daniel Songivd and only about 4 MB big, so it shouldn't be too problematic to download.

Fic: Cogito Ergo Sum

2004-01-25T11:14:59Z

Title: Cogito Ergo Sum
Author: Oh
Pairing: Clark/Lex pre-slash (implied)
Warnings: pointless humor
Spoilers: up to "Whisper"
Summary: Clark gets a new superpower
Feedback: slash_spam@yahoo.com
Author's Notes: I want to thank Michael for beta reading. You rock!
Archive: Sure

******************

Cogito Ergo Sum

by Oh

******************

Clark stood in front of his mirror and slipped his new glasses on for the first time. All of a sudden the world seemed to be a brighter...clearer space than it ever was before. Suddenly an excruciating pain hit him, bringing him to his knees. He could feel *something* happen in his head. Then he blacked out.

When he woke up again, he saw the worried faces of his parents looming above him. Jonathon was the first one to speak.

"Who are you?" holding up his rifle. "And what are you doing in my barn?"

Clark sat up, and Jonathon shot him.

"Ow" Clark said. "What did you do that for?" Taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes, Clark stared angrily at his father, when all of a sudden Martha screamed out.

"Clark, it's you! We almost didn't recognize you."

Clark stood up, ignoring the aching pain in his head. A whirlwind of images hit him, almost making him fall back down.

"Dad? Why did you shoot me? I was obviously no danger to you. Lying there on the *floor*. Unconscious. Maybe moving a little bit, but...shooting? Don't you think that is a bit of an overreaction?"

"I was only trying to protect my family! Plus, it is my constitutional right as an american citizen to carry a gun for self protection. It is an honoroble thing my son."

Martha smiled at her husband. Then she smiled at Clark. Then she smiled at the barn wall understandingly. Life was good and simple.

The pain in Clark's head got worse.

"Dad! I mean whatever you are saying is full of pathos but...but...it doesn't make any *sense*."

"I am still your father, son! As long as you live in my house, you *will* do as I say!"

Clark raised an eyebrow at his mother.

Martha smiled and stroked his hair. Nodding at him.

"Clark, you really should spend more time with Lana. She is such a nice person."

Jonathon interrupted her. "And, while you're at it. Stay away from that Luthor. He can't be trusted. All Luthors are evil. Don't you remember our neighbour Mr...something...and how he got robbed of his farm. And...Annabelle. Your cow. You know the one you had since you were a little boy. And how Lex killed her in cold blood?"

"But Dad. You're still not making any sense. At all. And..Lana? The Cheerleader? The girl who asked me to stay away because she felt it was my fault she got trampled by a horse and than graciously forgave me for not being around. Yeah, such a *nice* girl."

Then the pain overwhelmed him and he passed out.

TBC

Please join us again when Clark learns to use his new superpower - the *brain* and realizes his father sucks. And learns form Lex that *sucking* doesn't have to be a bad thing.

The next episode of Smallville: "Coitus Ergo Sum."

Fic: Lex does Chrismukkah

2004-01-25T11:13:39Z

Warning: Christmas Songs, Christmas Carrols, Mistletoe, Angels, Wings, Bells, Gracious use of the word christmas, Snow, Limericks, Songfic, Sligh Bells, Silent Nights with moaning, Christmas Trees, Aliens, Vampires, Hobbits, Elfs, Ents, Doyle the Exotic Beauty Elf, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Blitzen, Dasher and so on, Reindeer Bestiality, Eggnogg, Legolas with Angel Hair, Celsius (not Fahrenheit), Meter, not inces (yeah, *that* long!)

Rating: First I thought this was a good G, but then the dead raped baby appeared and I thought...mhm... let's make it better PG. If Michael were in this story; which he is not; it would have to be a NC!/, well...I'd let my children read it, so do as you please.

Pairings: SNOTTER (Snape/Potter), Stargate Crew/Stargate, Captain Jack/Daniel/Tealc's Pouch, Snape/Hagrid, Tom Riddle in Snake Form/Lex, Harry/Wand/and the magic vibrating toy broom/Lex, Thor/Misteltoe, Michael Shanks/...(no no no no no, this is NOT RPS ;), the guy Michael Shanks has good rhythm with/...(no - still no RPS), Rudolph/the Red Nose/Lex

Disclaimer: This is Headerfic: Be warned! If this is not your cup of tea: drink coffee! And damnit, this fork stuck in my eye is really painful. And Lex: Be careful with that bottle. In that place it could create a vacuum.

IT'S MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSS1111111

*********************************************

Lex does Chrismukkah

*********************************************

By Oh

*********************************************

The story starts here!

After the nex few lines:

Frodo gets wings and flys to Mount Doom [insert sex scene] and then jumps with Cannonball into Mount Doom to end his sad existence. The last thing he hears is the sound of a violin and a cello, played by two men who might be Jack and Daniel reincarnated on a ship sailing to Galapagos Islands in the 19th century; in search of a bird who cannot fly.

But that's just what we've heard, we don't know if it's true.

And of course, Lex watched!

PS: And Fraser kept Ray locked in his basement and raped him 24/7. In the off we can hear a high pitched voice singing: Merry Christmas everyone...and the children too!

**************************************

This is where the story ends:

The FINI

***************************************

And here I start with the Authors Notes:

Authors Notes:

Thank you Seth for the creation of Chrismukkah! And thank you for loving Ryan soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!

This is my longest story yet! (in meters, or if you prefer inch)
First of all I want to thank Michael Shanks and, btw, Happy Birthday Michael!!!!1!!!

I also would like to thank the man behind Michael Shanks. They have a good rhythm. Or so he said.

And last but not least: Michael, without you I would have never been able to write such a wonderful story that will bring so much joy to the children. God Bless us all.

And Michael!1!

Fic: Lex does Middle Earth

2004-01-25T11:12:38Z

Title: Lex Does Middle Earth

Author: Oh2

Warnings: WIP!!!1!!!!!!!!!, Homosexuality, Gay People, Fags and guys
who sleep with other guys, love between beautiful boys, the love who
dare not speak its name, they dance on the other side of the
ballroom, Moses and the parting of the red cheeks, queers. This story
contains Lex who has sex with a beautiful boy who loves him. They
have SEX. And a Baby. And if you don't like it, take a fork and ram
into your eyes; you will save us all the trouble.

Rated: PG

Status: Finished

Pairing: Lex/Gandalf's hat, Lex/Mork the Orc, Lex/Whiny!Leggy,
Lex/Orli, Lex/Clex, Lex/Rex, Lex/Dax, Lex/Lexx, Lex/X, Lex/His Ex,
Lex/Malcolm X, Lex/Mr X, Lex/Professor X, Lex/Green eggs and ham,
Lex/FedEx, Lex/Wilson the Volleyball, Lex/The Seven Dwarfs and the
Nine Kings and the Three Elves, Lex/Michael Shanks (if Michael Shanks
were in Middle Earth), Lex/Aragorn/Brego, Lex/The Boys, Lex/Mines of
Moria, Lex/Bernd das Brot,
Lex/Cliff Richard, Lex/Gollum, Lex/Balrog, Snotter (Snape/Potter)

******************************************

Lex Does Middle Earth

******************************************

by Oh2

*******************************************

There once was a beautiful boy/girl who was able to do everything.
She/He was even able to do sex changes. Everybody loved him/her. So
did Lex.

[WARNING - DISTURBING CONTENT]

...and the Orcs kept Legolas in their dungeon and raped him 24/7,
while Lex watched.

The FIN
...or maybe not...

Authors Notes: Stay save! Use a condom!!!1! And never forget: Michael
Jackson loves you!!!!!

And thank you all for your wonderful feedback. Since my writing takes
so much time, I don't know if I can get back to each and everyone of
you. You've been so kind, smothering me with positive feedback...

And once more I want to thank Michael Shanks for keeping me inspired.
Without his dedication to slash my characters would never come as
often as they did. I love you, Baby!1!

We also want to thank David Duchovny and his red speedos who've been
out of fashion for at least ten years.

Fic: Sex with Lex

2004-01-25T11:11:40Z

Title: Sex with Lex
Author: Oh
Warnings: Pre-slash, Slash, Incest, Het, Under Age, Romance,
Crossover, BDSM, SM, Violence, Humor, Rape, Smarm, Furry, Futurefic,
Angst, HC, Angst, Death, Angst, Bestiality, Angst, Denial, Angst,
First Time, Established Relationship, Angst, Threesome, Angst,
Crossdressing, Angst, Mpreg, Angst, Babyfic, Domestic Discipline,
Yaoi (sex with two dimensional characters), Angst, RPS, FPS, OC, OTP,
OOC, Angst, Baby Death Fic
Rating: G
Pairings: Lex/Clark, Lex/Bruce, Lex/Julian (Dead Baby), Lex/Meteor
(Super Horse), Lex/Martha, Lex/inanimate Object (Blue bottle),
Lex/Hulk Poodle, Lex/legs, Lex/Lex, Simon/Simon, Lex/Football Team,
Lex/Lex's Staff, Lex/Lex's Stuff, Lex/CSM/Mayor, Lex/MacGyver,
Lex/Michael Shanks, Lex/Preggy!Mulder, Lex/Ray K, Lex/Ray K/Ray V,
Lex/Ray K/Ray V/Turnbull, Lex/Ray K/Ray V/Turnbull/Thatcher, Lex/Ray
K/Ray V/Turnbull/Thatcher/Welsh, Lex/Kix, Lex/Brock, Lex/Rafe,
Lex/Jammies!Daniel, Lex/Eggbeater, Lex/Whomping Willow, Lex/Hedwig,
Lex/Draco Malfoy the Amazing Dancing Rat, Lex/Green Lego Snape,
Lex/1x2x3x4x5x6x13, Lex/2x4x1x6x13x1, Lex/Bo Kent (Crossdressing),
Lex/David Hasselhoff/KITT, Lex/Gandalf's Hat
Disclaimer: Not Ours, No Money, No Brain, Don't suuuuuuuuue,
Pwettttttttty Pweassssse, Give us Feeedies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OR WE WON'T WRITE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

************************************************

Sex with Lex

************************************************

By Oh

************************************************

S
P
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S
P
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Lex has Sex with everyone and everything!!!!!!!!!!!

To be continued......if you give Feedies!!!!!!!!

Authors Notes: I wanna give a big shout out to my beta readers:
AuMestrel, Michael Shanks, Candy Plum, Bonanza, Sporch, Be, A Spike,
Andra Bentrim and my High School Math Teacher, Schorsch Busch, The
Bätschelor. I also want to thank my parents for giving birth to me
and God for giving me our talent.

I love you all, especially the kids!